11 April 2009

the most certain thing in life

I wake up in the middle of the night, what do I feel? Loneliness and a deep darkness that surrounds me and take my breath away. I can't breathe. It's the so called "THE END", which is the most certain thing in one's life.
I look arround, and, even though I can't see anyone, I know they are somewhere out there. Do they fear not death?
Cowardice. That is what it is called, often, fear of death. But there's nothing I can do. I do panic over even the idea of death. Believing in God or Gods does not help... It's only running away.
I feel more calm now, but still, the idea blocks my mind. Is there really no escape?
For everything that has a beginning there should be an end.
No one ever returned from death to tell what it's like.
I try to imagine the future, but my mind goes blank and I can only see a dark night. A night darker than black that keeps me from moving. It's hard to tell, but, I don't think one will have anyone alongside in this kind of night.
The breath of life is so easily swept away.
What is left?
Cold bodies.
Thinking all night long is a bad exercise, for which I had only one conclusion, ever. There is no meaning in life.
Maybe the meaning of life is having no meaning. If everything goes back to the same, does it even worth having the work to try?
I do panic over the emptiness of life.
I do panic over the end of everything I treasure.
Yet... It doesn't keep me from moving foward... always.
There is no way I'd stop.
There is no time.

Jessica? Let's make a promise. Don't waste time panicking anymore.

No comments: