30 December 2010

Highly improbable events

Just recently, I gained a whole another level of understanding about highly improbable events.
First of all, highly improbable events do happen. I knew that, but I had the proof.
Second, there are people around who highly improbable things happen way too often. That would be me (?), maybe someone else around me.

I'm not counting having cancer as an improbable event. I did believe that, but not anymore.
Non-small cell Lung cancer: improbable among lung cancer patients.
Surviving more than a year after diagnosis in fase III/IV: improbable. I found out it was never more than 15% of cases, in any country.
Metastases to brain: highly improbable (specially as the first organ to where a lung cancer metastases).
Now, what is the chance of a bunch of improbable events to happen to one same person? I'd say, highly improbable. That one person: my mom.
I'm not happy. But I'm not complaining either. What is there to say. I just feel very...so not useful. I'm starting to wonder if a drug that has a improbably low rate of success would cure her.

24 December 2010

Never dull a day (2)

As I predicted, when my parents and I went to the consultation of IPO to know the results of my mother's magnetic ressonance, the doctor gave us some really bad news. What, he said it was even worse than he expected. He said that brain metastasis was rare and usually the last organ to be affected. But in this case, it was the first metastatic site. Why does my mother's case has to be always in the minority, huh?!
Anyway, yesterday was a bad day. And, so was today. I guess when you don't start well, you don't get any better. Very early in the morning, one of my sim cards went crazy. It is giving me the "Insert sim card" notice in every cellphone I put it in. My! Does my Christmas this year have to be this bad? I mean, I don't think it can get any worse, but I'm sure that life will somehow manage to surprise me.

23 December 2010

Never dull a day

Last Christmas, I was sick, my mom was sick, and my dad was out of town.
This year, everything went well until my mom got sick, again. I really hope this doesn't turn into a habit.
Today, we were supposed to use our car to drive us to the hospital for my mother's appointment. But, very (un)luckily, yesterday, a friend of our came by to check our car, and found out we had a flat tire and had to switch it. Problem: The stands were already closed and the back-up we had was not allowed to run on high-way. GREAT!
Today, we got to hear a horrible turn out for my mothers symptoms recently. The main doctor suspects some cancer cell colonization in the meningis. As far as it concerns me, it is as horrible as it sounds.
Tomorrow, I guess I'll just have to wait up for another wave of bad news. big, great christmas...
Really, never dull a day. I nearly wish these days to be as dull as ever.

17 December 2010

Library worm

I just found out the awesomeness of my local library!!
I love reading novels. And usually, I don't say I read books, I devour them.
I went to do some blood analysis today. And after I finally was allowed to eat my beloved breakfast, I decided it was time for me to stop by my local library. Before going to college, I was a quite frequent user of the library. Even though I was finding it more and more difficult to find books that I would want to read in leisure time, I managed somehow to always find one. After the college thing, that stopped because I barely had time to finish house chores and social meetings.
Last day I went there, was summer holidays 2009. I found 3 new books. All recently published, 2 of them, I wanted to read.
This year, finally, I decided to drop by again. 12 new books. All best sellers and recently published. 4 of them I already read. 2 of them, not interested, and the other 6 are the books I wanted to read since I began college, but never had the chance to find the books. Awesome!
I'm going to have the hell of a fantastic Christmas this year!

busy times coming

Finally, Christmas. A thousand hurrays for the blessed holidays I'll have.
Even though, usually, I don't recommend my kind of holidays to anybody, given that I'm way busier on holidays than work days.
First day of holidays, what to do: Sleep till late and do house chores. Now, first day over.
Let's proceed to the second day: house chores and house chores.
Great holidays isn't that?
Well, that's only the first days. Wait for more.
Next days: Shopping, house chores, reading and studying. Well, the part of studying is not quite studying as you see, it's not for school. It's more extensive reading on subjects that I like, and of course, also novels.
Christmas eve and Christmas day is definitely party time. Last year we gathered and made it a white night playing different card games. This year, as far as I'm concerned I'll have a BBQ. And, I'm definitely planning to go ice skating for the first time in my life. I just hope I don't fall too badly. The last time I fell, it was worse than just badly. I'm still feeling the consequences even though it's already been a month and so.
By the end of holidays: finally rid of shopping, but not house chores. Studying (this time,for real) for my examinations.
Now, for real. My parents would nag me all day long about how I should be studying. Damn, as if I don't know that. Good thing is, on holidays I can definitely read whatever I want and pretend to be studying and don't have to worry and get real.

2 December 2010

December days

Second day of December.
It's freezing cold outside... and inside. Thunderstorm one after another. The weather is really awful today. Just to think that yesterday it was sunny, weather sure changes quickly.
Thunder is so loud. The light is flashing. It kind of reminded me of junk horror movie. Oh! Great! It's raining, not front above, but the from the sides! I'm soooo lucky to be at home.
I wonder why is it that it refuses to snow around here, even when it's this damn cold?!
Ha! Irony of ironies, sun is shining now, just peeking through the clouds, but shining. All around the sun are black, no maybe a bit more like grey clouds.
No! Not seagulls gaggling! (Seagulls gaggling-- translation: there will be storm tomorrow.)

Ahhh.... This is lazy me talking. I shouldn't have to be up so early in the morning and out in such a cold day. But little me went to university just to have a small 30-minute quiz. 9 in the morning! Raining and freezing! Cold is all right, but rain is not all right at all! Damn.
And now, at home I still have to go on studying. Stupid me is staring at the same thing for an hour, therefore, lazy me decided to take a break. No good TV, fed up of videogames... can't find a single interesting thing to do. Oh, this is bad, am I depressing? No, I guess not.
Little me, ganbare!


30 November 2010

From Yesterday

What a beautiful sunset I would have seen if that cloud wans't there. But, even if the cloud hides the sun, the view is still soothing.
The calm sea resembles that of a hot summer twilight. Right now, it's cloud winter though. The sky is all clear but for that one big cloud hiding the sun. It's sunset time. Maybe next time I'll get lucky.
Pink and purple are the colours of this winter sky. I'm in the warmth of this train which takes me to a place called home.
Everything just feels so right now, why does it have to change as soon as I arrive home??! Yeah, I've got work to do. Bah. Soon it will be night and cold will kick in. Ah, how much would I give to be already on holidays.
Oh! I got a peek of the setting sun. Damn, it's too bright for my naked eyes. Half orange biscuit in the blue juice called ocean. I wonder if it tasted as good as Oreo in the milk.
Gotta go. Time surely flies.

11 November 2010

Mystic Oporto

Photos I took when I got up in the morning of November 2nd.

I've been really busy. But seeing that right in the morning made feel way better. Maybe I should just look at the pictures every morning.
Don't nag me about photographing skills. I know pretty well that I have none.

"Even foogier than yesterday. I feel like I'm out of this world. High up in the skies. A mystic city in the cloud, Oporto. I like that title. Then again, it's so rare to feel so happy over something so small.
The sun is rising. Rays of sun pierce right through this fog creating all of a paradise of light. After I took the picture, it reminded me of Akatsuki in Tegami Bachi. The city where the artificial sun is. Though, of course, this sun is not artificial, but very real.
Hurray for one more happy day." - Extract from my photo journal.

10 October 2010


And once again, Fall came. Rainy season has arrived. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get myself out of this depressed mood.
Somehow, the weather really matters to me. I'm already a full fledge crybaby, when on rainy season I can manage to cry even more. Rain makes me feel uneasy, unsecure.
So many times, when I don't know what I should do, I look outside, and I realize it is raining. Should I blame the raining? Maybe. Once in high school, I even came around with a theory that I could only have good score on a physics test if the weather was good.
Once again, a rainy day. Not so bad if I'm idle. But this time, I happen to have too many things to do. I hate this feeling of having endless things to do. What more, in an awful day like this, results in not doing a single thing. Well, actually I've done a lot, but just they are not what I'm supposed to do for the day. I do wonder if I have this medical condition called depression.
Go away rain. You really are making me feel weird.

18 August 2010

Working Overtime Could Kill You

by LiveScience Staff
posted: 11 May 2010 12:43 pm ET
Working overtime can take its toll on more than just sanity. It might be bad for the heart, a new study reveals.

Among 6,014 people followed for about 11 years, those who worked 10 or more hours a day had a 60-percent higher risk of heart-related problems, such as death due to heart disease or a non-fatal heart attack, than those who didn't work overtime.

The results held even after the researchers accounted for other risk factors that might influence heart problems, such as smoking, being overweight, or having high cholesterol.

1 August 2010


The day my dad wisely broke his nose was one day of many first times.
First time seen a broken nose, not very good. Would have been a lot better if it was someone else's nose. (Not that I actually I wished it would happen to someone.)
First time staying nearly all day long in a hospital. Not good. Not good at all, since I hate hospitals and clinics and pharmacies.
First time riding an ambulence. Very funny. Luckily, it was not an emergency. Somehow, the ambulence is pretty narrow inside, very unlike what I used to imagine from what is seen on TV. Of course TV is a whole different thing. Somehow, I'm glad that the ambulence I was in with my father, was not in an emergency rescue mission. It surely had first aid kits and a lot of equipment, but I just don't think it has enough to save one's life till he/she arrives the hospital.

29 July 2010


For the first time in my life I felt shock. Maybe not the first, the second (the very first one, I dare say, not many can remember).
Today, I met panic. Now, that I know what panic is, I hope to never meet it again. My body refused to obey my commands. I felt awful. I felt like throwing up, though I was hungry with potencially nothing in my stomach. I felt like passing out right there, and my eyes refused to see anything at all even though my glycemy level should be just fine and I'm not that much blind. Cold sweat all over me, tough it's summer and I'm supposed to sweat, but not like this.
I felt sick.
And the reason for all those reactions: my father PROBABLY broke his nose. There was just so much blood in his face at first. His face looked so swelled. After a while, it began to color. Not a very good color though, it was purple. Well, the external bleeding stopped, but I'm not very positive about this.
In a way, I'm glad I didn't go for a medicine course.

14 July 2010


I finally begin to understand why this society is doomed. Because nobody gives a damn about education. People are brought up to be mediocre, not to be good at what they do. Just mediocre is enough for most of the society. That sucks. Or at least I think it does.
That may be my anger speaking, but I do feel a bit frustrated. Teachers, most of them don't guide their students to find answers on their own, or to look up what they want to know. If a student asks something a bit more complex, I find the usual answer very creative: "That doesn't matter." or "It doesn't exist". Which happens to mean, "I don't want to get worked up and explain it to you." Well, eventually, I can understand that sort of thinking. If every single student asked about something, the teacher would have so much trouble dealing with the questions. But, and there is a big but. Not every student wants to know more. Not every student wants to be excellent. That's what makes the difference. Just how many students geniuses-of-tomorrow were burried underneath those simple answers? Doesn't exist? They do exist, the problem is that no one wants to go through the trouble of saying: "It does exist. But for this level of proficiency, you don't need to know that." It isn't that much of a long sentence compared to the standard answer.
A friend of mine is always mentioning the story about square root of negative numbers. Yeah, I hear that a lot from my teachers too. No, there is no square root for negative numbers. No, there isn't until the last year of high school, when the very same teacher says: Yes, there are imaginary numbers which take part in thee square root of negative numbers. Great. Then what was the bullshit about it didn't exist?! Huh?!
Another very funny one is from my Chemistry teacher. Damn, the answer she gave me really made me laugh. There was a chemical equation for which we had to write down the products of a certain reaction. I wrote down my answer. Then the one teacher gave the class was different. So, I thought I was wrong. But, it bugged me so I asked a chemist about the answer I wrote. Turns out that my answer was actually right. Next day, I sought my chemistry teacher and confronted her with my answer. What did she say? Ha, she said: Your answer is the correct answer, but in this stage of studies you are not supposed to know that, that's why there is another standard answer. What the hell?! That's what I thought, because I just couldn't see any similarities in the standard answer and my own, which turns out to be a correct one.
Another problem this brings would probably be the death of curiosity. Teachers don't encourage students to find out more about certain subjects on their own. The whole system teaches not knowledge, nor method, but standard answers. How many curious students did that kill? I'm not going to say I'm a victim, because I'm not. But that sort of thing really did kill my curiosity for a long while. And I didn't realize until I got it back. This way of teaching sucks! Not as if I can suggest one better, but I'm sure there is someone out there that can.
I suddenly begin to understand why rich people have their personal tutor. That's really sort of useful.

18 June 2010


I really really hate when people have too much expectations on me. I really do hate it. Because I hate to disappoint them.
When they have some kind of expectation and I let them down, which happens quite often, I feel bad, real bad. I wonder why. I shouldn't be the one feeling bad here! I shouldn't, but I feel horrible when I let people down, I feel guilty. It makes me mad.
I wonder if I'll ever overcome that feeling of guilt.

9 May 2010

rolling tummy

And off we go, to somewhere we don't know. Only thing we do know is that our little tummy belly is going to be round full.
That was yesterday. It was raining (awful). I asked my friends to be at the railway station at 11.20, but then, when I was on my way there, I started to worry if I should have set the meeting time a bit earlier in case they were late. Luckily, they were not.
(we set sail in the darkness of the rain out to malaposta)
Well, not sail, but...whatever.
We walked from the station we got off to the supposed restaurant. On the way, we passed by a small bridge and the landscape looked so unreal, specially after the rain. There was also and old abandoned building alongside the road, reminds our party of some typical movie scenario.
The important thing is not all this. But these, our hard work at the restaurant:
Oh yes, completely wiped out. I was just starving when I started, but in the end, my tummy said I was rather full. Oh yes, I felt like my little tummy belly suddenly grew.
That was the hell of a feast. Awesome.

30 April 2010


Why is it that peace is only brought over dead bodies?
It was necessary for the president of poland to die in an accident, a plane crash, for the frozen relatinoships of Russia and Poland make some development? I'm glad, true. It's good for two countries to have friendly relationships (though not yet determined). Also true that same emotions bring people together, specially sadness, tragedy. But is it really necessary for those tragedies to happen to make people realize things about peace, cooperation and unity? It shouldn't but unfortunately it does.

17 April 2010

Far Away From Home - Groove Coverage

I'm loving living every single day but sometimes I feel so....
I hope to find a little peace of mind and I just want to know.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts, and what are we to be.
Where is home on the milkyway of stars, I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I'm not so far away from home
What am I in a world so far away from home
All my life all the time so far away from home
without you I'll be so far away from home

If we could make it thrue the darkest Night we'd have a brither day.
the world I see beyond your pretty eyes, makes me want to stay.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts, and what are we to be.
Where is home on the milkyway of stars, I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I'm not so far away from home
What am I in a world so far away from home
All my life all the time so far away from home
without you I'll be so far away from home

I count on you, no matter what they say, cause love can find it's time.
I hope to be a part of you again, baby let us shine.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts, and what are we to be.
Where is home on the milkyway of stars, I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I'm not so far away from home
What am I in a world so far away from home
All my life all the time so far away from home
without you I'll be so far away from home

In my dreams I'm not so far away from home
What am I in a world so far away from home
All my life all the time so far away from home
without you I'll be so far away from home

11 April 2010

Friends out there

I wonder if what those people I once knew are doing right now. All those people that were my friends, where are they.
Sometimes I really wonder, what makes a person 'a friend' of mine. When I think about it, I really don't know. When you don't see each other, it seems like you cease being friends. Is it what that word is supposed to mean? From all the friends I made, I only have any news from few of them. From that few, only 3 are far away. Does time and the distance between people erase friendship? It shouldn't, but it does.
Just now, a friend called because someone was hell sick. Will ever a person far away remeber they even have such a friend if he/she wasn't sick? In my mind, something like this would go on:
"Hey, do you know X? That student of ..., that does...?"
"Who? Oh! Yeah! I know, he was a friend of mine."
"Yeah? Oh, well, he's sick."
"Really? Is he ok?" (faked pity of worry, or truly felt worry. I don't know, and I don't care.)
There goes the so supposed friend looking up the phone list.
"Oh, I found the number, let's phone him."
Great. Really great. I don't think that person would have ever remembered his sick friend if he wasn't sick! But gladly, it's not a case which one person remembers another only when the second one is already dead.
People move on. True. But, shouldn't one remember those who helped him/her get to where he is?

4 April 2010



21 March 2010











20 March 2010

my crisis of existence

In a big city, there are so many people. Even though it may be so crowded that you could touvh the total stranger next to you, yet you are still alone. Why?
Maybe it's because you didn't work to know those people. True. There may be more people than one needs to meet and know, but what in life is exactly what is needed? And how many unneeded things were done?
Sometimes, I sit and think about what all those people are doing. So many of them working hard (maybe not in this slow and lazy country called Portugal) and striving to achieve their goals.

21 February 2010


Portugal really is a strangely small country.
There goes little me hurrying to the train station because I needed so much to catch this train, but I left my house a bit late due to some addiction to Anime (=Soul Eater on MTV Portugal). Then, again, arriving at the train station, little me goes as fast as she can, and when she saw that the train she was supposed to catch didn't leave yet, she took some quick steps and... hop. There I go. Success. I got on the train.
I finally calm myself down and look around. What do I see? The winner of 2009 edition Portuguese singing competition "Ídolos" right in front of me. «Oh, my. My eyes are worse than I thought they'd be.» That's what I thought. (Just to be clear, I'm incredibly near-sighted.) Then, I look at the person who was beside that winner... «Oh, my. It's definetely my eyes problems. That guy is my primary school. But, of course he wouldn't recognize me. I cut my hair, even those who knew me from high school nearly didn't recognize me.»
And then, right when I was to think, «Oh, never mind, I'll ust read a bit.» A guy went to the winner (Filipe something, I don't remember) and sheked his hand and all. Stupid me is so slow that thought «Oh, how good to find a friend on such a crowded train.» Then, a minute later, «Hey, wait a minute, that guy wasn't his friend... He was the winner's fan! I'm so dumb.» And the second thought happened to be true, because some people around me moved closer to that Filipe and one of the ladies even asked him to speak to her husband which was a great fan of his and asked him an autograph. I thought the situation was hilarious. I wonder if all those world scale famous singers and actors and big names have moments like that. Supposedly normal, but normal at all.

9 February 2010


Things do change a lot in a few days.
What was green yesterday, today turned brown.
What was beautiful yesterday, today, does not exist.
Just how much do we belong to this world?

29 January 2010



28 January 2010







Mark Mills

Pensamos todos que sabemos a resposta,
e estamos todos enganados.
Nem tenho a certeza se saberemos qual é a pergunta.



20 January 2010










因为我不在乎 别人怎么说


对自己的承诺 对爱的执著














因为我不在乎 别人怎么说


对自己的承诺 对爱的执著











My mother does not consume drugs, does not smoke, does not drink, has a healthy diet. Every thing normal, but she has lung carcinoma.
Why do I have the feeling that I'm rather an ominous person??? This year I started my course on Pharmacology... I'm actually starting to scratch the cancer subject and my mother becomes a live example. What are the odds? If god exists, is he against me? Unbelievable.
And to think that it is not the first time something this ominous happens...

17 January 2010

Viruses May Play A Role In Lung Cancer Development

ScienceDaily (2008-04-25) -- New research highlights emerging evidence that common viruses may contribute to the development of lung cancer. Experts agree that smoking is by far the most important factor that contributes to lung cancer development. But other factors can play a role in some cases.

Experts agree that smoking is by far the most important factor that contributes to lung cancer development. But other factors can play a role in some cases.
In one report at the conference Dr.Arash Rezazadeh and colleagues from the University of Louisville, Kentucky, USA, describe the results of a study on 23 lung cancer samples from patients in Kentucky.
The researchers found six samples that tested positive for the presence of human papilloma virus (HPV), the virus that also causes many cases of cervical cancer. One was later shown to be a cervical cancer that had spread to the lungs.
Of the remaining 5 virus-positive samples, two were HPV type 16, two were HPV type 11 and one was HPV type 22. "The fact that five out of 22 non-small-cell lung cancer samples were HPV-positive supports the assumption that HPV contributes to the development of non-small-cell lung cancer," the authors say.
All the patients in this study were also smokers, Dr. Rezazadeh notes. "We think HPV has a role as a co-carcinogen which increases the risk of cancer in a smoking population," he says.

In another paper, Israeli researchers suggest that measles virus may also be a factor in some lung cancers. Their study included 65 patients with non-small-cell lung cancer, of whom more than half had evidence of measles virus in tissue samples taken from their cancer.
"Measles virus is a ubiquitous human virus that may be involved in the pathogenesis of lung cancer," says lead author Prof. Samuel Ariad from Soroka Medical Center in Beer Sheva, Israel. "Most likely, it acts in modifying the effect of other carcinogens and not as a causative factor by itself."

3 January 2010

little me

There goes little me to the university.
The timetable comes out and little me has 24 hours of classes per week. Hurray!!! There goes little me thinking that university might be fun. The semester ended and Christmas break came. Then, little me began to realize that 24 hours of classes per week is nothing at all compared to the time it takes to know all the things professors taught. Little me is little already, but yet, little me shrank. Yes. Examinations are not that easy to deal with. And christmas, which was supposed to be holidays, was spent worrying about the next examination which happens to be tomorrow.
Little me, sad me is really stressed. Guess what, it's time to get out of this illusion and begin to work hard. Once in a while hard working might not be bad, actually.