I'm definitely going off the tracks. I was suspecting that for a while. But yesterday, I got my confirmation.
I feel like crap, but I'm aware that I had the chance not to feel so. I'm tired of something I didn't even begin to do.
I don't know when I became so blind and too proud of what I achieved so far. Now, I try to look at myself as a stranger. I see how much of a fool I am. Really, I want to punch me hard, if I could. I don't get why I just refuse to wake up from the dream world I live in. I'm a selfconscious person, and I know that I'm reaching my breaking point. I need help. I can't reach my breaking point, I can't allow myself to do that.
Now, I need to get serious. As if I hadn't said and written and thought this more than a million times. But I do need constant reminding that I'm not the person I used to be, and that I have to straighten up, get myself together.
I'm just amazed at how miserable I can be and not do a thing about it. All wishes and nothing done. I'm starting to ask myself, what kind of person I am and what kind of person I want to be. Better, what I want in my life. That's the hell of a good question that I never answered.