30 August 2011

Camp Nano last days

I'm still on the run for Camp NaNoWriMo. I have 5000 words and so to write in two days. Actually, I already finished the novel. I had been rewrite scenes and adding some scenes along the road. But now, here I am. I am at this point, two days from the end without more scenes to add, and with 5k to go to break the 50k goal.
I feel so fail right now. But writing during all this month made me realize that after all I may be not suited for science? I've been feeling more and more incredibly stupid the more I learn in college. My grades went down a bit last semester. I'm starting to question myself if this is really what I wanted. Working on this novel made me realize how much happier I would be being an artist. Then again, if I want a job in which I can be not the best in what I do, art is not for me.
With the school year starting, I'm losing motivation to do anything at all. I'm confuse. I don't like to be confuse. I always knew what I wanted and worked hard for it. Now, I'm confuse. What should I really work on?
I'll leave this question for after the end of Camp NaNo and the start of the new academic year. For now, I have to focus on finding the remaining 5k. Once I'm in the competition, I will definitely go all the way till the end.

23 August 2011


Inspiration is something that comes when you never expect it to. I'm still doing this Camp NaNoWriMo thing. So far, I'm a bit behind the schedule, but I don't mind. I actually got to write. It takes most of the time in my day, but I'm still happy.
I had my own share times with no inspiration. But also, sometimes, the most insignificant thing can be inspiring. I won't tell about the other ordinary days when ordinary things inspired me to write a scene. Today, I just want to tell, I got a new idea for a story. I have no idea what kind of story it is going to be, just that it will be different. I want to challenge different styles and genres.

"Game over"
That's when everything began.

that's the start for my new story. I still have no idea what genre it will be, I can imagine something rather interesting coming out. It came to me when I was reading some threads in the Adoption Society forum of NaNoWriMo. I was reading 'adopt an epitah' when I came across this ordinary, yet amazing epitah. then I asked myself, if it wasn't an epitah, what it would be?
Ask yourself. there is a different answer in everyone.

16 August 2011

ant farm

Ant farms were a kind of hobby. That's the idea I had. I don't know how people keep them only inside the aquarium looking thing, but they do. I think it's sort of fascinating to have an ant farm, because, oh well, the tunnels they make are somewhat impressive.
What's more impressive is the natural ant farm I found inside my house! I hate to say it, but I don't like ants, not the slightest. The reason is because they annoy me so much getting into my house and stealing my food. It's not the first time that we found hundreds and hundreds of ants clinging onto something we were supposed to eat. The last time, was my pack of lemon cream biscuits, which wasn't suprising because I always knew ants liked sweet stuff. This time, though, they surprised me, me and my whole family.
A pack of nuts. That's where we found our ant farm this time. Not even two months ago, we sprayed ant poison around the house because the weather was very hot and every afternoon our house would be infested by thousands of small annoying ants. They are harmless, indeed, I know, but still annoying. We thought, oh well, we're going to have peace from ants for a while. But I guess not.
Ants started to appear on my desk, on the sofa and one even emerged from my computer! We searched for the source: the pack of nuts I bought two weeks ago. The ants carried these tiny bits of nut and proceeded towards the varanda, where they usually come from. But there was no trail of ants near the varanda. then, where did they come from?
Our sofa was the correct answer. Apparently they used the sponge from inside our sofa to building a small empire. wow, what builders! I can't believe we kept a natural ant farm for so long! Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to get rid of that, since I don't like ants climbing onto my body when I try to rest on the sofa.
Bye, ants. Enjoy yourselves else where, just not in my house.

12 August 2011


I wonder what creativity is. Doing the camp NaNoWriMo, I do get a small taste of what creativity might be.
I'm doing my best to beat the daily word amount everyday, though I have to almost write all day long to do that. Today, for a change, I got up earlier. My parents weren't home, so it gets easier for me to write. But after two hours, I just wrote miserably 200 or so words. Sometimes, inspiration is really important. A few days ago, I went out for a bit and saw a bunch of flying pigeons. It was a very common scene, but it made me feel odd. When I sat in front of my computer when I returned home, I wrote that scene into my story. As simple as that. Inspiration comes and you just need a bit thinking to put that to use. Creativity, I find it hard to find. You take nothing and make it become something tangible.
My mind went dry one hour ago. I still feel like working on my story a bit, but I guess that's it for today. Creativity is faltering.... What can I do?

8 August 2011

Bang on the Wall

Today is a bad day. August 8th, 2011. Actually, to say that today is a bad day is the greatest understatement I've ever used. Today will be the day that I, little me of 19 years old, successfully made my little family of 3 cry at the same time.
I've held my anger and frustration for so long that, today, to the smallest drop of water, my tears were shed like a flowing river that just broke a dam. I couldn't stop them, I just felt more and more anguish each time I tried to hold them in. I should just have hit the wall times enough to make my anger go away. But I didn't because that would do too much noise and pretty much break the bones of my hand.
Usually after I cry, I feel less angry and relieved. I always pretend that nothing happened after my tears dried, wether my parents noticed and didn't say a thing or didn't even notice, I don't know. But this time, it was different. When I came out of the bathroom with my eyes red, but already dry, I noticed my mother wiping her tears and my dad trying to hold them in.
Great, I managed to out my family crying due to my unfornately not very timely angry disapproval of my mother's behaviour. I felt guilty, but not very much. Sometimes, I get the feeling that my mother needs to hear something strong and naked, not sugar-coated to make her realize the situation she's in.
Don't mind this. Writing it down is just one of my whims to make me feel better.