8 August 2011

Bang on the Wall

Today is a bad day. August 8th, 2011. Actually, to say that today is a bad day is the greatest understatement I've ever used. Today will be the day that I, little me of 19 years old, successfully made my little family of 3 cry at the same time.
I've held my anger and frustration for so long that, today, to the smallest drop of water, my tears were shed like a flowing river that just broke a dam. I couldn't stop them, I just felt more and more anguish each time I tried to hold them in. I should just have hit the wall times enough to make my anger go away. But I didn't because that would do too much noise and pretty much break the bones of my hand.
Usually after I cry, I feel less angry and relieved. I always pretend that nothing happened after my tears dried, wether my parents noticed and didn't say a thing or didn't even notice, I don't know. But this time, it was different. When I came out of the bathroom with my eyes red, but already dry, I noticed my mother wiping her tears and my dad trying to hold them in.
Great, I managed to out my family crying due to my unfornately not very timely angry disapproval of my mother's behaviour. I felt guilty, but not very much. Sometimes, I get the feeling that my mother needs to hear something strong and naked, not sugar-coated to make her realize the situation she's in.
Don't mind this. Writing it down is just one of my whims to make me feel better.

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