6 September 2011

Baby me

I'm starting to wonder just how weak I am. I can't take a set back well, not even the smallest of it.
I just can't believe crying is becoming a habit. A bad habit. Though now that I've cried, I feel much better. Why do I have to cry all the time? I wasn't that weak or frail.
I've become a bitter self centered person. I changed, I acknowledge that. The confident, strong me had turned into smoke vanishing in the air. Now, in place of that me, this one is weak, self-loathing, self-centered and bitter. I'm seriously thinking that I might be depressed, but then again, I don't contemplate the possibility of suicide, ever. (or maybe that's just me being too coward to even take my own life.) I really don't know I get so upset with the slightest thing that deviates from what I want. I feel sick. I feel like taking a break from the world, but then again, I'm already not very sociable. If I take a break, I'll be totally isolated when I come back.
I need to emerse myself in work so I can be stressed over unhappy. How is that supposed to work? I've become lazy. I clearly need to get the strong confident me back. This world as it is won't allow me to back off and close into a shell to protect my weak ego.

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