Here was I looking at my failed experiment and thinking about what the hell I am doing here. I mean, this isn't exactly the kind of life I wanted.
If I truly ask myself what is my dream now, I wouldn't know what to say. If I think seriously about my career, then I'd say going to college was certainly a good decision. But then again, if I think about my personality and my happiness, I realize now that going to college is the worst thing I've done so far. Actually going to regular school is the worst thing I've done. Up until high school it was still somewhat ok, because I had enough free time to nurture other skills, but college is a whole different level.
Regular school and its system of teaching isn't up to date anymore. I can't say all, but most of the subjects I take doesn't help me to develop skills. We are taught stuff we could easily find on the internet (some times not so easily, but nonetheless, accessible). We are forced to memorize and memorize and memorize some more. I'm not saying it's not important. It is, but that's not all we can and should do. More than that, we should think and be creative.
Crisis? What? Be creative! Create jobs, create money flow!
But how to create?! College certainly doesn't help. I find myself getting dumber and dumber with all the pressure to memorize the content for each class and each exam. I want to create, I want to design and experiment, I want to write a novel, I want to draw and I want to build something, but I can't. Mostly because if I find some time among my busy day it would be to study and study some more. Sometimes, when my head complains, I give it a rest, which is well needed.
Don't blame us for being stupid. You are all to blame as well. Teachers who mock students for asking stupid questions or getting the wrong answers and the worst. My college teachers wonder why we don't participate in class. Gotta wonder, if you are wrong you are mocked once and twice and some more. If you ask something really obvious, you get mocked some more. And if you intervene to correct a mistake the teacher made, you get a poisonous remark of being stupid or the teacher would just ignore you or they would still say they were right. In rare occasions, I do see some teachers actually correcting their mistakes, but they a slowly starting to be an extinct species. My conclusion: Why bother?
Of course we are at fault too, for not seeking to create on our own even when the environment is not favorable. Weeds have a way of striving even in the most harsh conditions, and so should we. But then again, we need to have time for that. Society needs us all to be more creative, but the current society itself doesn't favor it, so that is definitely not an easy task.
I remember my first dream. I wanted to be a scientist, and I wanted to create a train that would go through the center of the earth to travel between the two hemispheres. I don't remember who was the adult that I first told this concept about. But the first thing that came out of that person was: That's impossible.
Tell me about it!!! If it was possible, I wouldn't want to create that, no?! Ok, it's impossible, but so were flying. Aircrafts were a mere dream five hundred years ago. The second person I told was a bit more receptive. He/she asked how I would do that. Of course back then I was somewhat around ten maybe, and I had no idea about physics, chemistry and lots of other stuff. Asking that to a ten year old would do much good. But asking how was a good start I think. Then, along the years I let it slide and forgot all about it, until I saw the movie Total Recall.
I had more than this one dream or idea, I had lots of them. I'm the kind of person who never runs out of ideas. But, life hasn't been very kind to me or I haven't been quite responsible to myself on letting those ideas come true. I'm sure tons of people are just like me, with ideas, but with no means or time to put them to use.
People do complain about our lack of creativity, specially teachers. But the thing is, we all complain and do nothing. That's our worst characteristic. It's almost (ALMOST) human nature.
All right, I failed. No worries. Next time I'll do better. Or, if I do realize that what I'm doing is not something I like, then I should just stop doing that. I'm not too late to change. We are never too late to change. I will let today sink in and set to find my new dream.
A dream, a goal, a target, a finishing line. And after that, the next one, and the one after that. Life is to be lived to the fullest. Because
yesterday has already gone and tomorrow has yet to come. But Today is a gift.