21 December 2013

《千年之戀》央吉瑪、呼斯楞



There are voices worth listening to. The kind of voice that gives people goosebumps over and over again.

14 December 2013

Inner Strength

I cry, but I don't know why.
I try and fight, for a reason I can't find.
I look up, but I can't see the sky.
I look forward, but I can't see a light.

Then I look around and see a fire.
The flame in between the ashes hides.
A small spark, but it may light a big fire.
I hope it burns bright, and sheds light...
Of life.

One day at a time,
times infinite.

10 December 2013


世界原本就不是属于你,因此你用不着抛弃,要抛弃的是一切的执著。万物皆为我所用,但非我所

30 November 2013

Treasure the moments

Every now and then, some flashes cross my mind. Today, it was about friendship. It's the last day of lectures in my university course. My friends and I were taking photos excitedly after class. Seeing those photos made me think that one day, I'm going to miss this. Even though I have quite a history of not keeping in touch. So many people pass through my life. They come and go, all I keep is a memory of them. Maybe they won't think about me, but I think about them. I do wonder what they are doing.
Every meeting, every person, every moment of every day. Good or bad, they are all worth remembering. The good things are there, and will make you happy when you think about it. Sometimes, people say it's best if they forgot the bad things. True, but in my opinion, bad memories are also there to remind us. That was us, we survived that. And quoting someone, 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'
Not every moment is special. But, every moment is one single dot in time and space that will never come back. (as far as I know, time machines don't exist. And even if they do, they exist on very strict conditions, as I was told by a house mate physicist.)
We live on and move forward. We collect those moments. Some may leave us indifferent, some may affect us, some may change us, and some may define us.
There are always more than just one way to see reality. Reality is some that exist, but we can never reach. All reality we perceive is altered by who we are. Every day can be just ordinary. True, I won't deny it. But there is also a way to find something different in an ordinary day. Friends are just people, memories and just neurons and connections and action potentials. True, not denying it. But there is also a less cold way to see it. It all depends on the person and his/her willingness.

Today is just an ordinary day. I had classes and I have to study for and exam. It's cold, but it's sunny, it's weekend but I'm not going home because there is an exam tomorrow.
Today's defining moment, last lecture on my undergraduate course.
One day, I might want to remember that. and many other ordinary days. extraordinary comes once in a lifetime, ordinary, builds a lifetime.

22 November 2013

Jess' theory on shyness

Shyness is not a trait born with. It's developmental.

If people share my experience, then shy people just need a better excuse to do stuff other people do. I do not classify myself as shy, though I do have lots of shy moments. It mainly depends on my mood. But then again, I'm not your average one personality person. But that's not the theme of my theory right now. To clarify, let me consider my shy moments as basis for my theory.
We shy people care too much. About what other people may think, about common sense which is nothing more than society standards, which by the way varies quite a lot, about the consequences of our acts, among other concerns. When given the right answers to those concerns, shy people do what other let's say non-shy people do.
There was someone who said that humans are social animals. We live in community and we tend to reach out for others. So, it's our nature to establish relationships.
Shy people have friends too, they may have fewer friends, maybe closer friends, but they do have friends.
Shy people talk to strangers, when they have a good reason, an imperative reason to do so, just like normal people can ask a stranger what time it is.
Shy people dance and sing. They may not usually do it in public, but given strong reasons, they can do so. They may develop stage fright which can be quite limiting, sometimes it requires some treatment, but sometimes one overcomes it.
Shy people don't want to disappoint the audience by singing lousily and dancing crappily. They care what the audience thinks. Some people just don't care.
Shy people don't talk to strangers because they are concerned with the consequences of dealing in an unknown environment. Some people just don't care. What can possibly happen?
Shy people don't participate in class because they are afraid to have to wrong answer. And then, teacher might think they are stupid and students might think they are stupid. Or they could get the right answer, which makes the teacher happy, maybe the students too, but there is also a case when others think that they are so geek and smartass. It's a double edged sword. In the lack of a better argument, shy people just don't speak up in class.
Now, people are not born with fright of the unknown. We learn that with society, in class and from our family. Depending on the values other people pass to us, and what we take from our environment, shyness may develop. I can recall perfectly. I was not a shy person until probably middle school. That's when all the discrimination and peer pressure began. Society almost forces shyness into a person. I won't say it's society's fault. It's not Some people are more susceptible, some people are more prone to weight the pros and cons. Me, I changed my attitude.
Evolve and adapt, from then on, I got a brand new shy adjective to describe myself. Am I any different from other people? Not really. I just need a way better reason to drink myself till drunk and do some incredibly embarrassing things. I just need a better excuse to do certain public things.

Being the best matters. It does, but it's not what matters the most. Being the best only requires that other people are not as good. Being better, That is a real challenge.

11 November 2013

Jess' take on love and love songz

First of all, I'd like to state clearly that I've never seriously been in love with anyone, in the usual sense that it's used. That excludes all teenage crushes and all the hormones working like crazy.

Now, love. They say it can make you do crazy things. True. I won't deny it. Love is supposed to be a transcending feeling, something to celebrate. But, everything has to have a limit to it.
Let's look at the market. Music industry. I get that love songs make people relate to the lyrics and the tune, I get that love is worthy of being celebrated. But, so is friendship and many other untangible things.
Can you find songs about those? You need to dig and dig and dig some more to find one among so many... songs about love. Songs about love can be good. I like those songs, but at a certain point it gets too overwhelming. So overwhelming I do wonder more than once. Is there a song that is NOT a song about love?
One thing is to celebrate it. But overflowing the world market with those songs... It just makes love and the experience feel cheap and totally overrated. Now I kinda feel sick and totally don't want to fall in love (Just kidding, but I did feel like for a bit.)
I don't get the need for people to fit in to a certain trend. And by it I mean for instance, one makes a graphic music video, then there is two, then there is ten. And here I thought different was supposed to be good.

Just a piece of thought.

Avril Lavigne - Here's To Never Growing Up



It's important to enjoy life while you can.
It's important to keep a young heart over old souls. Here's to keeping the best of both.

10 November 2013

Utopia - Within Temptation


The burning desire
To live and roam free
It shines in the dark
And it grows within me

You're holding my hand but you don't understand
So where I am going, you wont be in the end
I'm dreaming in colors
Of getting the chance
Of dreaming of trying the perfect romance
The search of the door, to open your mind
In search of the cure of mankind

Help us we're drowning
So close up inside
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?
How will the lights die down, telling us who we are?

I'm searching for answers, not given for free
Your hurting inside, is there life within me?

You're holding my hand but you don't understand
So you're taking the road all alone in the end
I'm dreaming in colors, no boundaries are there
I'm dreaming the dream, and I'll sing to share
In search of the door, to open your mind
In search of the cure of mankind

Help us we're drowning
So close up inside
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?
Why does it rain, rain, rain, down on utopia?
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are

Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are
Why does it rain?
---

Reality eventually catches up one day. The thing is, how will you deal with it. Kneel and follow? Fight back? Evolve and adapt?
Paths are made from decisions. The choices made make up the future.

24 October 2013

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.” - William W. Purkey

30 September 2013

Take a step back and search your mind

Last night I came across some very interesting questions. The original source was the Guardian. It listed the 20 big scientific questions to be answered in current research. I'm a girl of sciences. But, one can also regard these same question on another level. They would still be quite valid, and sometimes, equally hard to answer. Be it poetic or philosophic or just scientific. Some of these questions deserve us to spend time on.

What is the universe made of?
Where does life as we know it come from?
What makes us human?
What is conscience?
Why do we dream?
What is 'matter'?
One universe or several universes?
Where are the limits for artificial intelligence?
What is in the middle of a black hole?
Is there eternal youth?
Is there a way to leap through time?

We ask, we search, we strive to know more, do better. Once someone told me, it was not about having the right answers, but about how to ask the questions. And also, there is no such thing as a stupid question, there is only such thing as a not so bright answer.

28 September 2013

Desert Symphony - ThePianoGuys



Simple can be be beautiful.

22 September 2013

Achievement of the day

Today I concluded the first draft to a novel I've been writing for 17 months. It's actually the second long story I've worked on.
The first one started when I was 16, in an English class. I was bored and started writing something on the footnote of an exercise sheet. Three years later, in college, I went back to that story and decided it was time to write a conclusion to it. I did write a conclusion. But as soon as I did that, I realized there were too many things missing. And also, the writing style changed over the years. It turned out to be an awkward read. I decided to put it aside and one day go back to it and thoroughly edit it.
This one, I've had the idea for a while, but I started writing it last year an April. Thinking back, it was the time in college that I was mostly free. I had less classes and didn't have many extracurricular activities. But then, September came and that year was completely hectic. Until that hiatus, according to Microsoft Office Word, I'd been writing it for 280 hours. After that busy year, I found time again this summer vacation. Since mid August I've been writing this non stop. Somehow, I concluded the first draft after 788 hours more.
This is it! 102 pages. Next vacation: revision time!

15 September 2013

Letter Song - Wotamin


Take a moment. Think a bit. What would you say to the future you and what would the past you have to say to the present you?
We live. Need to say any more?

11 September 2013

Inspiration

Today I had yet another kind of understanding. A friend used to say inspiration may come at any time.
From my recent experiences, inspiration does come at any time, and most of those times are inconvenient times. Times when I'm walking and have nothing to write on, times when I'm starving and mindlessly craving for food, times when I'm so sleepy I could fall asleep in front of my manuscript, times when I'm dreaming about something that after I woke I had no idea and times when I'm having an unbearable splitting headache.
Inspiration, untouchable, unthinkable, invisible. Why do you always come and go as you please and decide to play hide and seek when people need you?

5 September 2013

Lightning storm

Of all the beautiful things in the world, many have simultaneously a terrible meaning.
There is a lightning storm going on right now. It looks so beautiful. The rays light up the night sky, some even make the night turn day. It's an amazing sight, but at the same time, being hit by lightning could spark forest fires, could black out vast population areas and industrial zones. The consequences could be disastrous, but still the sight of it is so stunning.

24 August 2013

Forever 21 曾轶可



This says everything about how I feel today.

22 August 2013

[转] 人,守不住寂寞,就享受不了繁华

但凡成功之人,往往都要经历一段没人支持、没人帮助的黑暗岁月,而这段时光,恰恰是沉淀自我的关键阶段。犹如黎明前的黑暗,捱过去,天也就亮了。所谓千里马,不一定是跑得最快的,但一定是耐力最好的。可以抱怨,但必须忍耐,积蓄力量,等待机会 ——这样,人生才会有希望。
淡字,一半是水,一半是火;人生,一半是披荆斩棘,一半是急流勇退。水火本不相融,造字者巧妙地将二者融汇贯通在一起,揭示了“淡”的真味: 刚柔相济。人生的“淡”,既需要披荆斩棘的拿得起, 更需要急流勇退的放得下。月亏则圆,月圆则亏,人生的至境,不是一味的“进”,更不是一味的“退”。
世上没有一件工作不辛苦,没有一处人事不复杂。即使你再排斥现在的不愉快,光阴也不会过得慢点。人呐,长点心吧!不要随意发脾气,谁都不欠你的。要学会低调,取舍间必有得失,不用太计较。 也要学着踏实而务实,越简单越快乐。当一个女人有了足够的内涵和物质做后盾,人生就会变得底气十足。
趁我们都还活着,多走几步路,多欣赏下沿途的风景,不要急于抵达目的地而错过了流年里温暖的人和物;趁我们都还活着,多说些浪漫的话语,多做些幼稚的事情,不要嫌人笑话错过了生命中最美好 的片段和场合;趁我们都还活着,把距离缩短,把时间延长。趁我们都还活着,多做些我们想要做的任何事。
看得透想得开,拿得起放得下,立得正行得直。人生三福:平安是福,健康是福,吃亏是福。人 生三不争:不与上级争锋,不与同级争宠,不与下级争功。人生三大快事:美酒,挚友,枕边书。人生三大憾事:遇良友不交,遇良机不握,遇老师不学。人生三为:和为贵,善为本,诚为先。
有些人,注定是生命中的过客;有些事,常 常让我们很无奈。其实与其伤心流泪,不如从容面对;那么别等不该等的人,别伤不该伤的心。孤独, 不一定不快乐;得到,不一定能长久;失去,不一定不再拥有。爱的时候,让他自由;不爱的时候,让爱 自由。也许看的淡一点,伤就会少一点!
青春是打开了就合不上的书,人生是踏上了 就回不了头的路,婚姻是扔出了就难收回的赌注。对自己好点,一辈子不长;对身边的人好点,下辈子你们不一定能够遇见。
朋友是两面性的东西,有的可以给你温暖, 有的只会让你寒心,即使你被朋友伤过,你也应该庆幸在这种没钱没势没利没权的年纪,大家能走到一起。也不真是图什么,感觉对了就黏得紧,厌烦了走很远怪不了谁,要理解常态下人都是为自己活的,所以对离开的人就不要去挽留,看好身边的人让他们真正懂你的好,互相离不开,那才是真朋友。
年少时的爱情,就是欢天喜地地认为会与眼前人过一辈子,所以预想以后的种种,一口咬定它会实现。直到很多年后,当我们经历了成长的阵痛,爱情的变故,走过千山万水后,才会幡然醒悟,那么多年的时光只是上天赐予你的一场美梦,为了支撑你此后坚强地走完这冗长的一生。
有多少人是打着友谊的旗号爱着对方;又有 多少人说着真心话是在玩笑中表达。
感情中最磨人的,不是争吵或冷战,而是 明明喜欢、还要装出不在乎。爱,总和自尊捆绑在一起。但自尊绝非高高在上的姿态,而是坦诚的面对自 己。世人都习惯了扮演一种不屑一切的冷艳。演技越好,离快乐越远。别藏得太深,幸福会找不到你。
人生有顺境也有逆境,不可能处处是逆 境;人生有巅峰也有谷底,不可能处处是谷底。顺境或巅峰而趾高气扬,因为逆境或低谷而垂头丧气,都是浅薄的人生。面对挫折,如果只是一味地抱怨、生气,那么你注定永远是个弱者。
人生也像坐火车一样,过去的景色那样 美,让你流连不舍,可是你总是需要前进,你告诉自己,我以后一定还会再回来看,可其实,你不可能回去,退后的风景,邂逅的人,终究是渐行渐远!

转载自芳芳的空间

随风而去

一切有始总有终。人生一切都太过短暂。不记得改变过什么,不记得挽留过什么。一切都随风而去。
但愿,这一刻----永恒。每一刻,永恒。

10 August 2013

野绿仙踪



Felt goosebumps right from the very first note. One of my favorite introspective songs. I get to look into the mirror and see who I am and what is my life. No matter what the situation is, it drives into a peace state.

24 July 2013

感动

不管过多久,不管看多少次,每一次,这本书看到这里都有不一样的感受,不一样的领悟。
这简单的一段文字在我的人生中给我留下了深深的震撼和感动。虽然这本书诉说的并不是事实,但是却有几分相似。虽然没有类同的经历,但是被感动。
书,你我的世界。

感谢明寐,为我带来了无法取代的一段文字。感谢异人傲世录的存在给我的青春添了一分色彩,给我的人生多了一页。

18 July 2013

New trends on screen

After the big waves of vampires, and zombies on big and small screens, and books, here comes another one. This one, is sci-fi, the genre previously reserved only for nerds and geeks. It seems more and more trendy to be geeky or nerdy. I confess, I'm quite nerdy myself, but never really thought about it.
Now, the number of science fiction TV series and movies are growing. Alien invasion has become pretty much the reigning them on screen.
I have to say that I like science fiction very much, though I like realistic and well grounded ones. Even though I like sci-fi, I find the constant release of new stories on the same theme a bit tiring. They don't bring that much innovation, just about the same concept and change the details. We are swarmed by so many storylines, yet among all of them lacks a really original one. Quantity over quality seems to be the motto of the current industry. True, no matter how bad how cliché, there will always be audience, be it by mistake or just a minority that actually loves it, but, eventually, with time, they will just become trash. Try it once and throw out. There will never be another vintage born like this.
No wonder how people talk about the old movies. They lack in image and sound quality and special effects, maybe, but many of them compensate on a good argument and storyline and good acting from the actors.
*sighs* Trends, there will always be trends. I just wish the massive competition would invest more on quality.

22 June 2013

dropbox promotions!

The new #DropboxWiki just launched and is raffling 50 GB of Dropbox space! Join the giveaway at http://new.dropboxwiki.com/promotions

14 June 2013

What are you afraid of?

"I wanted to do that but..."
What are you afraid of?! What is it that can make you not do something that you wished to do? What is stopping so many people from doing what they want? Eventually someone would say, I don't want to do anything. And if everybody did nothing, we would end. But, doing nothing may feel nice for a while, but it's also quite tedious. We are bound to do something. So what are all those concerns that keep people from doing what they want?
At the end of the road, there is only death waiting for us. That is now the most determined event one will know. Until the day we beat death (which is far far away if ever), death will be a warning for everyone to live their lives. Live, until you can't because no one knows when death will come and get you. Planning years ahead, some people do that, well, it may be a good thing to have perspective, but is also quite a waste of time. When you reach that time, things have already changed, and the plans will have to be remade. Best thing I've learned this last year? Plan a bit, be ready for change. Live one day at a time, take baby steps. One day, I'm sure I'll be glad I lived just one day at a time and not just a blurr of days and months spent in a hurry doing god knows what.
Go for it, what are you, what are we all afraid of?! Life is too short, and has too many things to experience. Quit being the undecided. "First, you decide, and then you follow through." Live with your choices, for better or worse, at least choices were made. Otherwise, we'd stay in the same place, not being able to move forward, much less going back.
I quote someone else, "Don't count the days, make the days count."

9 June 2013

Language

Language is something we use every day, yet, we don't realize how incredible that is. I mean, if you really break it down, they are just sounds. It's amazing how you can express so many things, actually express the reality using a complexity of sounds. Even more than that, the number of different languages, different sounds to express the same idea is just straight forward astounding. And what you mind can do to make you understand what the other person is saying? That's a just another amazing thing too.
I was walking home from my part-time job the other day and I suddenly found myself overwhelmed by the many sounds I was hearing. I could not understand what they were saying. All I could make out was sounds, just sounds. But I knew they meant something. Nowadays, no one talks on the phone just making random sounds. Maybe it was because I was tired, it somehow sounded a lot like mandarin, and then japanese, and then some language I didn't know. I had to make an effort to focus my mind, and then I realized, that my mind was scanning all the wrong languages, they spoke in none other than the native language of this place. I think my mind played quite a trick on me.
But honestly, if you think it through it's so awesome that we humans managed to invent something that unites sounds to a complexity that actually makes sense to us and all those who know that language. There are also other ways to express our selves, through our movements and expressions, through music. But the one thing about language is that, the understanding of it's immediate meaning doesn't seem to require any special talent. It requires effort, yes, but it is a lot easier for most than understanding and expressing through music.
All these different languages, sharing the roots, having their own particularities. These are the things we truly bring to this world. (I think)

3 June 2013

war against nature

We are human, we wish for more, always. We always think that we are different, that we can beat the odds. Sometimes, we do, but, that's just some times. We keep striving to achieve more, to have more, and maybe, be more. We think that we are special, that maybe we can defy the rules of nature. Maybe we can even accomplish that for a brief moment, but nature is still nature and it will manage to beat us in our own game.
Most of the times, losing sucks, but it doesn't mean we have to feel beaten up and give up. The next time, maybe we'll do better, or maybe we'll do just the same. Maybe one day we will actually beat the nature, but for now, what we can do it to accept the loss and learn the lesson.

26 May 2013

Hall of Fame (The Script feat. will.i.am)


感动
Inspiring

Need no more words.

13 May 2013

Life ain't fair

Life isn't fair. Hell, tell me about it.
So what? Just learn to live with its unfairness and have a kick ass life.

12 May 2013

Don't be scared or impatient just because the road seems long and sinuous.
Our choices and actions in the present reflect our past and define our future.

Hall of Fame (Glee cover)



I hope everyone find this song as inspirational as I did.

7 May 2013

Achievement of the day

Today, I'm happy. Reason? I managed to repair a malfunctioning massage device. My mother uses a very simple portable massage device that has a vibratory function. In the middle of the morning, it stopped working, making a funny sound, like a blender. Little me likes to take things apart a lot, though I don't have many opportunities, since sometimes, taking apart something might make it stop working. So to be safe, I can only dismount things that are not working straight already.
I have a bit fun repairing the machine. It was quite simple actually. The difficult part was actually getting the screws off. They were too tight. Anyways. The problem was simply a magnet that went loose and decided to drop off the spindle. I had to turn the thing on and off to figure what was wrong and if I was putting everything to the right place, but it didn't take as long as taking the screws off. One hour past and I got it all fixed. It's not something to boast about, but it's one of those simple things in life that can make me a tiny bit proud of myself and happy.

6 May 2013

Koizora

Here I find myself watching this movie yet again. This was the first Japanese movie I saw, it is one of the my favorites. It was heart-warming, cute, emotional, sad. I've watched it many times since that first time, and no matter how long it goes by, I still tear up every time I watch this movie. I believe that it marked and defined lives of many people. 

28 April 2013

Chain emails

Digging through some of my mother's old stuff, I found something interesting. It was a chain email. I usually don't find them funny because of the implied threats at the end, but leaving out the last part this one was actually quite didactic.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2.Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask "Why do you wan to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the 3 R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all you actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Spend some time alone.
22. Open you arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
23. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
24. Read more book and watch less TV.
25. Live a good, honorable life. then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
26. Trust in God but lock your car.
27. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
28. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation, don't bring up the past.
29. Read between the lines.
30. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
31. Be gentle with the Earth.
32. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
33. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
34. Mind you own business.
35. Don't trust a person who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss.
36. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
37. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
38. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
39. Learn the rules then break some.
40. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than you need for each other.
41. Judge you success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
42. Remember that your character is your destiny.

I can't say I agree that all of them are good teachings but most of them are. And even if they don't change your life, it will change the way you live it and feel about it, and that makes a whole lot difference.

27 April 2013

Conflict

Home has become again a place I don't want to go back to. I think I'm starting the feelings of a kid whose parents are divorcing or separating. It's not like I'm going through the same, no, my parents' marriage is well, considering. But I can certainly understand the feeling.
Every day is a constant frustration, every day I keep hearing my dad do the same analysis of the mistakes my mom and I do. It's not like he's the 'bad guy' here. There is no bad guy or good guy in reality, there is just different points of view and different sides of the same thing. I can understand his frustration and his anger at not being able to do anything to change the facts and i think, in his perspective no one else is willing to make the effort to make a change. I used to think like that too, but I now I think there's just no helping it. My mom is sick, it's not like she doesn't want to do things straight and right, it's because she just can't. I know that, I accept that, and I still get frustrated and angry some times. I can't say much to criticize my dad anyway because I know he has to deal with this way more often than I do. I only come back home at weekends and holidays and I'll already sick and tired of all this, I can imagine how he feels.
People need to let the anger out and maybe that's his way of doing so. I can't say much because I'll either hurt my mom's feelings or my dad's. I can only be quiet and hope that my mom doesn't take it to heart, which doesn't happen and my dad feels better afterwards. There's not really much I can do and I can feel my mom giving up. I'm not even sure it's worth having her alive. I don't know if it would be easier for her or for me if she just died.
Every day I'm confronted with a binary decision: family or career. I'm sure some of them were not what I really wanted, but society doesn't kindly let me ditch my family. I wish I could just leave my family and take all the opportunities that come along. To add up, I have all kinds of frustration like anyone has at school and work, and at home I have my dad nagging about not doing something right and my mom asking me to do something every 10 minutes. I wish I had some peace already.
Geez I need to take a break from my own life. I'm so tired of all the drama. Only life doesn't take a break, it just moves on. All one can do is adapt and survive. Darwin will knock you out if you don't XD. Stress has become so common I think I'm starting to get immune. I wish I could be immune to conflict too. Maybe that's my next target.

22 April 2013

Outcast - Glee original


It's been a while since the last time I heard an original song on Glee. I have to say, this is one pretty good. Have been replaying it quite a few times for the last few days. It's an empowering and inspiring song, I think. Everyone has dreams, just, some times we forget about them. What would we be without dreams? Empty shells wandering around? "We are stronger from every scar." Remember another with something similar "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Remember and discover what it feels like to belong to this world, what it feels like to pursue a dream, what it feels like to work hard and accomplish something.
This one is to all the ones that need strength to keep going.

17 April 2013

Boston Marathon

America mourns, and so should all of us. The bombing incident has come to many's attention. It was more shocking than damaging, but still, lifes were taken and people were injured. We pay more attention when those tragic events happen to one of our own. In our country, in our world, the western, so called civilized world. It is shocking, true, scarying true too, but life still goes on. I quote someone else: ''If they keep you from living your life then they've won. They've taken your life away from you right there.''
Something else has come to my attention. "MUSLIMS in the US are watching closely as the investigation into the Boston bombings unfolds, fearing a backlash like after 9/11 if an Islamist link is confirmed to the deadly attack." Do we hate all muslims because one decided to go amock? How many american citizens were responsible for those shootings at schools? Do we hate all americans too? Why should other people, innocent people pay for the crimes of others? They might be just as related as you and me and someone I don't know. Preconception is a wrong way to see the facts.

Lives of innocent were taken. We should mourn that. But more than that, we should mourn all the bombings that killed innocent people that we are not aware of or that we see but ignore. Because it's none of our business, because it's not in our country, because those people are not related to me in any possible way.
We mourn, we remember and we should learn with those events. History repeats. It does, don't try to deny it, but it shouldn't. We are supposed to learn, develop and evolve. We move on. Life is too short. We should live on, with the knowledge and memory of the past, but also with hopes and faith for a better future.

15 April 2013

KillerTracks - Paradise Awaits


Have been really into epic music lately. Also, seriously I needed that. I found out that listening to epic music is a very good way to motivate myself. And also, a good way to find peace of mind. 
I have two exams coming up this week and this track surely is helping me studying. 

14 April 2013

Random thoughts

Here I am trying to study for the upcoming exams. The word of the day being Trying. Just watched The Host movie. It totally put me hooked to the soundtrack. Haven't stopped listening to it so far. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons had me thinking how so many people are writing songs about the apocalypse and the world slowly crumbling. It surely fits the world brought up by the movie. It also made me think how powerful we humans are. War. It is inherent by nature that we fight for survival and fight for what we want. The only problem is, we are powerful enough to destroy ourselves, but we are not wise enough to realize such. We are like ignorant children waving a dangerous gun. You see the scenario? That's us most likely.

The host

I read the book, and recently watched the movie. I have to say. I loved the book. I liked the movie too, but as it is a movie, things felt too rushed, but it was overall a good movie. The thing that made most impression on me was the movie soundtrack. It was so amazing in so many ways. Listening to that, I felt like I could get a hold of a Soul's essence. Among them, the soul track would of course be my favorite.
This track is called "Soul inside" (track 02) Every time I hear it, I get goosebumps. "Soul outside" (track 22) is essentially the same track with a different ring to it, there is more hope into it, I think. I feel so at peace every time I listen to them.
This soundtrack is more than enough to make me watch the movie again.

8 April 2013

Artemis Fowl book series

Today, I found out that Eoin Colfer has finished writing Artemis Fowl books, quite a surprise for me. It's a bit late though, since the last book was release July last year.
I have to say Artemis Fowl books are like Harry Potter. I grew up with them. Harry Potter is known to many, Artemis Fowl books are not that famous, which doesn't mean they not as good.
I remember when I first read Artemis Fowl, it was the translated version of the first book, which they local editor named Artemis Fowl - the gold of fairies. It was quite an exciting reading. It starts with Artemis Fowl, as a juvenile criminal mastermind seeking the secrets of fairies from a land underneath our own. I was eleven and I loved the book. Not because of the fantasy background, not because it involved fairies and mythical creatures. I liked it because of the pace. It was exciting and the most of all, I loved the way the main character was the villain. Book for children usually take the perspective of a hero, be it a true hero personality or an antihero, but you would usually follow the events through the perspective of the good side.
As the book starts with a very amusing prologue roughly describing Artemis Fowl II, I find myself drawn to this character that in a normal situation would be hated (because he is the bad guy!) XD.
Now, I'm a college student, but I still read Artemis Fowl books. It's different now, but I still like them. They provide a very pleasant, relaxing and entertaining reading. Now that I found out Eoin Colfer is done with Artemis Fowl books, I have a feeling of loss. When I was bored, I would pick up an Artemis Fowl book and I would know it would be entertaining, even if it wasn't the first time I read it. Now, the only consolation I have is that I can re read the stories and still enjoy them and luckily their quality didn't walk a down slope. I'm glad this series didn't turn out like one of those long series that you can't seem to see its end and you get more and more of the same, without bringing much new stuff.

5 April 2013

Hard times require and method change

Do you know the times when you find yourself out of time with a lot to do and a terrible headache to add to the loot? I'm like that right now. It's midnight and I'm in serious need of sleep and study. Not at the same time, that would be pretty difficult to do. The thing is, I've already realized I'm trying the insane job of putting too much on my plate. I'll eventually be able to do them all, but none of them will be finished with much quality I guess. So, now I need to set my priorities straight.
Setting priorities is important, it helps keeping track of what is needed and what is unnecessary. Right now, entertainment has fallen to the last of my list. Though is remains there, it's hard to act on it. Entertainment is way easier than having to study or work. So, most of the times, the tendency is to not study. But now, I can't afford it. If I postpone this little time of laziness, I'll be able to lazy around later. I once saw a cartoon picturing a kid sitting in front of a TV and a kid studying. The subtitle read: happiness today, happiness tomorrow. It is true. Working hard today is just an investment. A very good one actually because you know it is bound to bear some fruit. It may not be sweet, but it will bear fruit. Whereas if you invest in something else, it's a bit of a gamble.
For the first time, I feel like drinking coffee. Not to enjoy the smell and taste of it, but because I'm probably going to need it to keep me awake. I'm a defendant of efficiency. I'd rather sleep more and work less hours and more efficiently. But I find myself without those hours. I'm in need of more time at 100% concentration, and that only coffee or tea can help me. But there is always an upside to everything: I get to prevent Parkinson's disease! XD For anyone who'd care to know, google it! XD

31 March 2013

Designing Life: Should Babies Be Genetically Engineered? | LiveScience

Designing Life: Should Babies Be Genetically Engineered? | Designer Babies | LiveScience

Reading this keeps reminding me how insightful science fiction writers are, or how inspirational the scientists can get. I mean, several hundreds of years ago, no one would imagine a flying transportation. Now, traveling by air is very common. If we have the technology to genetically modify cells, it's is perfectly feasible to be able to genetically engineer babies. Maybe not now, exactly, but in the recent future. The door is open, the question lies in whether we choose to cross that invisible line.

30 March 2013

Under the sunshine

Wow, wow and wow. (Not world of warcraft, no.) It's because of today's weather. Yesterday it was heavy rain with wind and a pretty much greyish depressing day. But today, it's all clear and sunny and even warm. It's like going from winter to nearly summer over night. I went shopping today, like any girl would do. I don't like to spend money on unnecessary things, the reason I felt so bad for buying new shoes, again. I think I'm kinda turning into a spendthrift. If I was miserably poor and in need of budgeting to make ends meet, it would be a pretty bad thing. But given that I'm not, it's a good thing to buy stuff if it lightens the mood, even if it's unnecessary.
I have a good feeling today. I feel like I'm going to accomplish many things. Starting with organizing my notes. I know it's saturday, it's weekend, and what more it's even holidays! But, I have a lot of work to do and the rain wasn't really helping with the mood and motivation. It's paradoxal that in a rainy day, when I have to stay home, I just can't do anything of worth. I can only watch TV or read a novel. Then, on a sunny day, it's a good day to go out, and it's also a day that I feel like working. So, now decide between work and play. Mostly I'd choose to work, because I tend to waste too much time on greyish days for me to be able to afford going out. But today, I'm planning to do both. It's a bit hard, but maybe a bit more concentration and effort I'll be able to do both.
Hurray for the sunny days and let them stay for the next few days. (I should probably be searching for a way to not get so affected by the weather...)

Under the heavy rain

It has been raining a lot in the last few days. Every time I get out of the house I get totally soaked. I wouldn't mind the rain, if it wasn't for the wind. I wouldn't mind the wind either if there was no rain. But those two together makes it impossible to get out.
Today I had to go catch the train and was pretty bad humored to wake up to the sound of wind and rain. I waited till the rain pause for a brief while to get going. Of course I wouldn't be so lucky as to get to my destination without rain falling on me. It starts to rain when I was walking in a very much open square, no place to hide from the rain, all I could do was hold my umbrella and just keep going. Rain dripped from the umbrella to my boots and pants and even my hair. My coat was only slightly wet. Luckily, I found a place to hide not long after. And with that, I failed to catch that train. I found a store with a small hall outside its doors, making it the perfect place to hide from rain for a while. I leaned back and decided to just enjoy the view. Just like view of a raging sea, the heavy rain calms me down when I'm outdoors but just looking at it, not walking under it. On the other hand, if I were to be at home, I'd feel totally depressed watching the rain fall. I wonder what make the difference. I had to take twenty minutes of my time to wait till the storm passed to give way to drizzle. Meanwhile, another passerby came and stayed for the same reason as me. We were silently watching the rain for a few minutes. Somehow, we managed to have a short and nice conversation. After the storm passed, we parted ways. It lifted my mood though. I thought about all the chance encounters one could have in a life, (in which I decided to count this one in) and felt incredibly happy.
Chance encounters are events I prize very much. It doesn't mean I have to remain friends or aquaintances to the person, at least, most of the times I don't bother with such. It just gives me another angle on the world, another view and a lot of inspiration. Today because of those scarce sentences we exchanged, I found myself with a very interesting light novel opening line and plot. How amazing is that? Such little things in life can make a lot of difference. Cheers! To life and to chance encounters under the rain.

26 March 2013

Things to look forward to

It's been a really long time since the last time I wrote so much. I haven't had time to just sit down and let my thoughts flow. Today, I had that chance. In retrospective, I've seen how much I've grown and matured. I have a better understanding of the world. In prospective, on the other hand, there are a lot of things to do, and a lot of things I'm looking forward to.
First of all, The Host, movie adaptation from Stephenie Meyer's book is coming out in the theatres. I've been waiting for this movie for nearly two years. Ever since the day I finished reading the book that I knew there was going to be a movie and I'd want to watch it.
Second, there is a chance to apply for an internship in a foreign country that I'd love to try. I think it would be a really great experience, specially when I like to travel so much.
Third, I'm looking forward to go shopping with my friends. I'm not the shopping type person, but since I'm having a hard time finding what I want, going with friends might help, or just make it a catching up session.
Fourth, I'm looking forward to go borrow the book for this Easter reading. It's hard to find an interesting enough book for me to read on train trips. Mostly, I just fall asleep after a few pages. (Nice strategy for insomnia)
There's always something to look forward to. Even after a bad day, or should I say, specially after a bad day? XD

Reasonable mind

I've been pretty much depressed all day. No reason in particular, just the horrible weather that makes me feel this way. The grey skies, the rain, the cold that infiltrates even the bones and the wind made this day one of the few depressing days this year. On these days, I usually find a book to read. Today, I decided to take a little retrospective into the last few days of my life.
I've realized recently that there has been a lot of philosophy quotes circulating around facebook recently. It's not the message they convey that surprises me but the people who make them circulate. People see likes, comments and share of friends, friends of friends and meaningful messages have been dropping into my new feeds a lot lately. So I decided to take a deep breath and take in all those messages. Take for instance "Don't count the days, make the days count." or "If plan 'A' didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters." In a world that seems to go more sideways by each day, these messages really make my day. It may be true, and maybe everyone knows it, but it's not easy to always remember it. Sometimes when life seems so hard it can't get worse, when nothing seems to be going well, we often forget that maybe we've already been through worse and other days will be better for sure. It's okay to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and all, but letting it get in the way, that's not a smart choice. People don't always make smart choices, true. But let's keep those times to a minimum. It's good for us, it's good for the people that surrounds us, it's good for the world (maybe).
Due to my recently found sudden interest in world news, I've been reading the newspaper. To be exact, I read all the newspapers that were in the waiting area of the workshop I left my car in. I had to wait for about an hour and half, so I had a lot of time to spare for a change. From reports of crimes to the economic crisis, from the election of the new pope to celebrity gossip. I read about nearly everything, except to sports section. I didn't find anything that would interest me in that section, this time. All I thought about after reading all that was: Damn, the world seems a whole different place when you look from above. Everything has an angle. As impartial as we try to be, there is always a different way of interpreting the reality. The more I read the news, the more I feel worlds apart from the reality described in the news. I mean, it is true, most of what they show, but only part of the truth. The part that is not normal, the part that is not supposed to be, for good or for bad. And for some reason, most of the news brings something bad. What is this fascination with the tragic?! I quote a movie script "What you see, what you hear, nothing is what it seems." It is true, if one stops to think, what is behind those footages? Why those footages. If it's normal and peaceful, there is no need to make it news. People are more and more about the effect the information or misinformation causes and less and less about the content itself. When people look at the news, they see the paint of a different world, a biased one, usually only one side of the story, with a lot of holes in it. So don't be too carried away.

When things seems too overwhelming, take a deep breath and think for yourself. What's the bigger picture? In this bigger picture, does this particular one detail matter? Hear between the pauses and not just listen, see between the line and not just watch. There is plenty to discover, there is plenty to experience.

20 March 2013

Start fresh

March is half way through and I feel like it has barely begun. Spring is slowly stepping in, a new season, a new era. Everything evolves, the air seems to be different.
It's sunny out there and I just finished an assignment. I feel quite accomplished. I know it's not much concluding an assignment, but for starters, it is useful to cheer me up. It's been a long while since I felt this confident about myself. I miss the old me, and I think I'm starting to find her back.
Sitting with my colleagues, we talked about the lastest news, about trips. Specially trips. Sun tends to make me think about traveling. Apparently it has about the same effect on most of my colleagues too.
So I'm starting to plan for our graduation trip, that is if we are going to be able to make it work. I think I'm going to want a job right after graduation, but god knows. Maybe I'll even stay unemployed after graduation. But, a trip does always good to shut the mind from society dramas. It doesn't matter where, as long as it takes the mind of the worries and concerns for a while, it does you good. Does me good.
I've grown over the last few years. Actually I've always been growing. The world looks slightly different and yet, it's the same world. But, it's the slight and sometimes not so slight that make the life so worth living. Today, I feel part of this world. Today, I feel alive and happy.
I turned a page in my life today, but this one was worth turning. Focusing on my accomplishments and not letting the yet to come diminish any of my enthusiasm.

Rest of my life be ready, 'cause I'm coming. XD

12 March 2013

Becoming A Legend


Becoming a legend by John Dreamer
Believe in yourself. You will overcome all the obstacles as long as you persevere. Keep going.

4 March 2013

Five stages of grief

I've heard many times about the expression but never really bothered to think about it too much. Today, I decided to read a bit about it. It's a Kübler-Ross model about the five 'stages' or emotion one goes through when confronted with a death or other awful situations.
I decided to look it up because I was very clearly confronted with one of the five stages of grief: Anger. Both mine and my mother's. She suffers from cancer. It's not that rare nowadays. It's been quite a while since she was diagnosed with the condition. I never really realized how deadly cancer can be, but through the last few years, I witnessed how incapacitating and how discouraging it can be. Back then, I think all my family was in denial, the first stage. I wonder if we will eventually go through all five stages. From denial, to anger, three years passed. Now, I'm confronted with the very real possibility that my mother might not survive this. Honestly, it doesn't feel like anything I've experienced. It feels totally empty, void. I'm not too sure if my mother is still in Anger stage or she already gone into Depression. Bargain is a highly improbable stage. We never believed in a higher power, at least not me, and reality tells me that there is no one I can bargain for life. I'm concerned that my mother is showing signs of depression. Because I don't want her to stop fighting, not yet, even though it feels a lot like she's already given up. Acceptance is one stage I refuse anyone in our family to go into until it's absolutely too late.
Honestly I have to say it's quite an accurate model. Even though I'm probably grieving unconsciously, I'm glad I research a bit about it. When knowing, people tend to be more rational and calm down. Now that I know what the five stages of grief are, I can make peace with myself and find a better way to deal with it. We learn something every day, some times nice and interesting things, some times more gloomy. But, every day is a day and tomorrow is a new day. Lives are meant to be lived, it might as well end tomorrow, but today, we all lived.

2 March 2013

Super woman candidate

Trying to become superwoman is not exactly the easiest thing in the world. I got a taste of it and most definitely dropped out. My new semester in college is pretty much insane. Twos weeks into it, and I'm already so full of work it seems like the end of it. Second week into it, and I'm already sick of overworking myself. Being sick sucks for everyone. Sucks even more because not only you don't really want to do anything, but still, you have to do it. Rushing essays and assignments while keeping lesson notes up to date is becoming a full time job. I mean, being a student is a full time job. You can't really just leave college and leave the work there, it's just not possible, that is, unless you're not the least worried about passing the exam.
I wanted to celebrate my last week of freedom by going to the Student Association anniversary party, but my body is very good at blackmailing me. That very day, it blackmailed me with a sore throat and a teary left eye and a running nose. *Sighs* No party for little me.
The only thing I can see of good in all of this is that, if I survive this semester successfully, I'll be up to bigger challenges in the future. Well, maybe there is another good thing. After I get better from my flu, I'll be immune to flu this season. One would want to be sick earlier than later. It would be way worse if I got sick during exam period.
No need to complain too much, one should always think positive. Happiness might even shoo the virus away. Also, this way, I get to date my bed, as I intended for a long time. One cannot be too greedy and not sacrifice anything. One step at a time and we'll get there.

25 February 2013

Being happy

More and more people are suffering from depression, as a clinical condition. I even recon in mysel signs of slight depression, but I think I'm still far from being considered clinically as depressed.
Do not understimate depression. I heard from a friend researching on this subject that depression is one of the most debilitating conditions. People don't notice depression or are too shy to seek a doctor until it's too severe not to treat it. Some scientists call into question whether current antidepressants exert any pharmacological effect. Groups of scientists are still tackling the physiopathology of depression. Leaving the science aside, why is depression sounding more and more like an urban epidemic disease?
It affects people all over the world, from different classes, different races, different ages.
This is my question: Is it that difficult to be happy?
My answer: No.

It is only as difficult as we make it. We have so much yet we want more. Have you ever heard of a beggar suffering from depression? I have yet to hear about such a thing. They have nothing, yet are they depressed about it?
There are people more prone to depression, but there are people who are immune to depression. I believe so. It depends on the personality. Where one person sees a failure, another sees an opportunity to do better next time. Where one person gets frustrated over uncompleted work or unaccomplished tasks, another accepts the fact and moves on to do better next time.

Accepting failure is part of life. I saw a post on Facebook some days ago. "Life is a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. But it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride." It's true. It's our choice to be happy or not. I know people don't tend to be happy when they fail, but accepting the fact is part of life. Learning to accept reality is important to move on. Time goes on, it doesn't wait for anyone, and I think no one wants to miss that ride.

Humans are social animals. Over time, we are bound to meet more people. Among them, we are bound to meet people we don't like, we are bound to raise conflict. Different people have different opinions and points of view, different personalities. They can make us feel angry, frustrated, misunderstood, disappointed. But when that happens, please, forgive them. I know how that feels all too well, but forgiving those people is forgiving yourself. Why punish yourself for something other people did wrong? If one is able to forgive, one is able to let go of the anger and all negative feelings. Forgiving is a way to let go, a way to inner peace.

Have you ever felt tired right at the beginning of a day? What about at the end of a day? Take care and notice, do you feel tired when you have a pile of tasks to do or when you have concluded a ton of tasks? I think, one would expect it to be the later, but psychologically, we do feel tired because of things we have yet to do, not because of things we've already done. Having concluded a task gives you a sense of conclusion, satisfaction and accomplishment. That is the key to selfpraise. Feeling down right now? Think about everything that you accomplished. The more you try to do, the more you can do. Success is something that gives off positive feelings, but success needs investment. It requires hard work. Even if you work hard, it may not pay off, that's the reality, but you think the other way around. If you don't work hard, it will never pay off. Take your chances. It you don't try you'll be left with regrets that you might not even know they were there. Leaving no regrets is facing forward.


We are bound to grow old. Have you noticed how happy children can be? Why can't we? We have to worry about more stuff, we have society's restrain. True. But, who says children don't have their own worries? They just manage to find happiness in the small things. If you look hard into your routine, you might find something that's different everyday. It makes every day a unique day. If it's so unique, why shouldn't we celebrate it? Adults are too used to the world, too used to society. Don't ignore the small things. There was an Avril Lavigne song in which there was a lyrics refering to the "Little things that make life great." Being happy is not hard, not expensive, does not take too much time. It takes a person with open heart and mind. Happiness can be found. You just need too be looking for it. Don't be too demanding, that's not realistic.
Today, I bought a cake. I love to eat cake. The last one I ate was on my birthday. I don't get to eat cake too often because they are rather expensive. But today, I got my chance to enjoy some delicious cake. What more, the sun was shinining outside lifting my mood quite much. Today, something as simple as eating cake made happy. Don't ask too much, I'd rather be more times happy than more times disappointed.

18 February 2013

Superwoman

Have you ever wished you have superpowers? I have. Actually, I'm wishing it right now.
New semester starts with a lot of classes, family drama and a lot of work. I just made my timetable for the next five months, and I have to say. I'm scared. The schedule is totally packed. Right now, I wish I was superwoman, to be able to have superspeed so I don't have to spend so much time commuting. I wish I didn't have to sleep or eat. I wish had photographic memory, which I don't have, but some people have.
My to do list is permanently full. There are a lot more things that I wanted to do, but I know I won't have time for them, so I don't even bother putting them on my to do list.
Other than my usual 24 hours of classes weekly, I have to spend 10 to 15 hours on project. Take three hours out to part time job (plus two hours walking time) a week. I still have online japanese and professional english courses (which I'm putting on hold as of now.) Have to take out one day a week to take care of my mom and let my dad go to work. Take one morning to weekly shopping for food and other things, how many hours do I have left? Eight and half hours per day are for sleeping and I'm already cutting on the time for my meals. How much time do I have left for study?
The only way to not get scared is to not think about it. Semester hasn't officially started for me yet. Tomorrow is the beginning of a race against time. Let's just see for how long I'm going to keep up. I don't want to be barely safe. I want to be the best. Till then, baby steps. As Chinese say, steady drop hollows a stone. Hopefully, I'll get there. (With or without superpowers.)

11 February 2013

Growing up

Gathering with two of my friends made realize how age really can explain certain behavior.
I have a friend A who's a teenager, around sixteen, seventeen-ish.She just swears and uses slang like all the time, as part of ordinary talking. That kind of language is the split image of myself when I was her age. Slang was my break fast, lunch and dinner. I only refrained myself from saying as much in from of teachers (some) and maybe my parents. Around that time, my friend B who was around ten-ish,  used to ask me not to use slang. Now, she is stepping into that juvenile teenage drama period when for some reason people develop a liking for slang.
I think it's probably a stage in life we go through. And, surely all the hormonal storm helps. Around then, we probably think we are great and we are proud of ourselves, for no reason in particular. We want to show that we don't give a damn about the world because we are some kind of uncomprehended geniuses.Truth is, we are not, but we don't need to know that yet. I believe that period is about the most shallow period in a human's life.
Now I moved on from using slang as my chewing gum. I still get angry, and I still feel the way I felt when I was in high school, but dealing with the problem is my priority now, because slang as much as it might make me feel better, it doesn't help. That gathering made me realize that I've grown up. I'm sure both of my friends will grow up.
Growing up is good, I just wished I could grow up and keep the same childish heart at a corner of my conscious mind. Grown-up tend to forget how simple happiness can be, and I really want that child me to remind me how life can be wonderful.

2 February 2013

Birthday

It's my birthday today. I do wonder how many people would remember my birthday if it wasn't for Facebook. Truth to be told, I only remember a handful of birthday dates. They have all been my best friends once. I mean, remembering the date doesn't mean I'll remember it's their birthday when the day comes. Funny thing how I always remember when my own birthday is. It's been a while, but I have been thinking of forgetting about my own birthday. I mean, it's all right and I feel happy when it's my birthday, but if we see it through, it's just an ordinary day like any other. Ordinary and yet, spectacular at the same time.
This year, one of my best friends sent me another AMV with Yui's Happy birthday to you you. I still remember how this song stepped into my life and my best friend's life.
It was when FMA brotherhood was still airing. She showed me a Again, by Yui, which was  used in the anime. I liked it so decided I would search for that music and in the process, I decided to also google for some more of Yui's music. That led me to find this birthday song. I mentally archived the information. On her birthday, I sent her the song. She was very surprised to find out that Yui had this song and she liked it so much, it's been a tradition ever since. She would send me a new MV with that song on my birthday every year.

31 January 2013

Searching for a place

There's a place for us (Carrie Underwood)

There's a place out there for us
More than just a prayer or anything you've ever dreamed of
So when you feel like giving up, 'cause you don't fit in down here
Fear is crashing in, close your eyes and take my hand, yeah

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong where, faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

There's a place for us
There's a place for us

When the water meets the sky
Where your heart is free and hope comes back to life
When these broken hands are whole again
We'll find what we've been waiting for, we were made for so much more

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

There's a place for us
There's a place for us

So hold on, hold on
There's a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us
---

This is the song that came to my mind when I was planning to write about my life from my point of view today. Today, a lot of crap happened. One of them was my exam results. Some of them were expected, some of them took me by surprise. It wasn't a nice surprise. Four years into college and I had my lowest grade this semester, not to mention I nearly flunked in the lab. That was a real slap on the face.
I always knew my place in the world. I was always the kid with good grades whose existence would only be noticed when the exams and tests were knocking on the door. Now, I'm kinda feeling lost. I'm not that kid anymore. The meaning of my existence to other people is gone, so what the hell am I doing here? For the first time in my little life, I'm searching for something so abstract that I even doubt it exists. I'm searching for my place in the world. Who I am, where I stand and where I want to go. I want answers.
Life isn't alway kind to us. Today, in my eyes, life was painted red. Red of anger, resentment, revolt, fury, rage. I wanted to scream to hit someone or something, but that won't change anything. Things happened. I cried and moved on. Why torture myself with something that won't be changed? Tomorrow will surely be better than today, and if not, the day after that may be.
Until I get my answers, until I find my place, I shall keep myself together, stand tall and walk on strong.

难过,因为活过。哭过,就不再难过。

27 January 2013

SpeXial快歌主打「Super Style」HD官方完整版MV( Official MV)



I didn't think I liked this song, until I heard a couple more times, now I just can't stop. This band is a new band and also my newest addiction.
During this hellish period of exams I did need an upbeat song to lift my spirits, and here it is. I hope this song is good enough to keep me awake for a couple more hours. Tired, but totally hiped up because of this song. And to think that no matter if they are talented or not, if the song is good or not, they worked hard to put this song out, so will I work hard towards my goal. Everybody go!

24 January 2013

(Psy) Gangnam Style - Sungha Jung



He can make the hottest dance music this season sound so much more fun!!

11 January 2013

How much does health cost?

I was very calmly reading about the traineeships opportunities that opened for the European Commission (which is by the way a nice opportunity to earn some money and extracurricular credit, and for any college graduate who might be interested, here is the link http://ec.europa.eu/stages/index_en.htm)
Suddenly I remember about the salary table for Pharmacists were about to change. So, I went looking for the old one and the new one for comparison. I ended up only finding one of them, but that's not the point. Meanwhile, I stumbled on a news article from a Brazilian website. The article was form January 2011. It referred that in 2010, the pharmacist was one of the top professions in the US. It was the 19th best profession, taking into account the salary, working conditions, stress, work load and others. What was next was the best paid profession in the US.
So the top one were: Surgeon, General Clinic doctor, Psychiatrist, Dentist, Orthodontist, Pharmacist, Ophthalmologist. The only others were Petrol engineer, Aerospace engineer and Economist.
Among the best paid jobs, 7 were health related. I say, of course the government isn't paying all that, so the money must come from our own pockets. I mean, even if you have health insurance package, you are still paying for that insurance when you are not sick. That gives you a picture of, people die not just because they have an incurable disease, they die because they have no money. There is just something wrong about that. Developing drugs and all the health care should ideally be free of charge, but since the world is not perfect, we must pay for that. I used to think that working in health care would be somewhat a noble profession. I find myself questioning that a lot lately. Not wanting to make a political statement of any kind, but I really think capitalism put a price tag on everything in existence.
But there are things that mustn't be tagged. You shouldn't be able to sell your soul or your conscience, you shouldn't be able to sell health, but that is what happens. This is not right, but then again, change is hard, but not impossible. I hope sincerely that one day I'll see healthcare and other essential things and services provided free of charge.

8 January 2013

Cloud Atlas Sextet

Did you watch the movie? When you heard that simple piano melody from Cloud Atlas Sextet, did you feel overwhelmed and blown away? I did.
When words are not enough to describe the feelings and emotions.

Cloud Atlas Sextet
End title

Full Sound track playlist in here.

Anime Nfo Radio

Anime Nfo Radio
Best study partner ever! Great company, doesn't nag you to keep you studying. Helps you take a break and sing along a song you like. Doesn't talk back when you whine and complain.

It's been a long time since the last time I tuned in, but still love it to keep me company when studying. But for anyone who's not a loser like me that has to geekishly study like all the time (while watching anime and listening to radio though), it's still a great radio to listen to. Even if you don't actually like anime or videogames, even if you are not much into japanese culture, there are still some great music playing. So check it out and enjoy.
And if you like it, don't forget to root for it by donating.
(Note: just my opinion here. Not advertising or anything. I'm not affiliated with the radio, just a common user.)

7 January 2013

Chanterelle soup (w/Tofu)

Ingredients (serves 4):
Chanterelles (choose to your liking. more or less 100 grs is ok for 4.)
Shrimp 50 grs Tofu 350 grs
Tomato 1 medium size
Coriander (to your liking)
Chicken or any other meat stock
Corn starch 5 tsp

Chop the Chanterelles, Shrimp and tomato into small pieces.
Mince coriander.
Quick fry all and add the stock until it covers all the ingredients.
Chop tofu into small cubes and add to the soup. Season to your liking (salt, pepper, tomato paste, anise or other).
Put the corn starch in a bowl and add about 75 mL of water. Mix it well and stir it into the boiling soup.
Stir until the soup boils again.

I just bought chanterelles recently and decided that I wanted to eat them with tofu. As it was my first time buying those mushrooms, I searched the internet looking for recipes. But, I didn't find anything to my liking so I decided to make one of my own. It turned out pretty tasty, so you are welcome to try. I'm so happy that this experimental recipe turned out so well. Yes!!!

6 January 2013

We are here



Sometimes words cannot express what one feels. "This is our land" by Epic Score, is what best expresses what I'm feeling today. This is our world, we belong right here. For even the shortest of the moments, I want to feel invincible, like I can do anything I set to do.

5 January 2013

Flowers in a Riot of Color (乱红)



Every single time I listen to this piece of music, I let my soul take a break. It makes me feel like a leaf, floating in the air, going with the wind. It makes me see the bigger picture and not bother with insignificant things. The most important thing is that we are here. That's what matters the most. The world goes on and on, but right now, we are here.

3 January 2013

New Year and other things

Here goes little me again, stepping into this new year with an exam waiting for me. I should have spent the previous two weeks studying but I decided not to, and today is the day I see how much fate favors me. Moving forward. It's January, it's sunny and it's not cold. What are the odds? I mean, wow, global warming is starting not to slip by unnoticed. January is supposed to be the coldest month of the year, but now it's quite sunny and I don't have any use for my leather jacket because it's too hot to wear it. This year is the firs year I didn't write down any new year resolutions. I mean, I can't think of any, and didn't had the time to think about them either. My life is nowhere near perfect, but I'm sort of tired of trying to accomplish my new year resolutions, that most of the times never come true. Laziness it taking over. Moving on. This year, I noticed something. Habits are habits, and I've been commuting this way for four years now, but sometimes, when looking around I see differents things, new things, little things that make the difference through out the times. I mean, looking at the same thing over and over again, and someday finding a detail that was never noticed before can be sort of fun. It's not much of a game or enjoyable as traveling, but when it's absolutely necessary to go through the same places everyday, it's nice to find something to enjoy, as little as that may be.