31 January 2013

Searching for a place

There's a place for us (Carrie Underwood)

There's a place out there for us
More than just a prayer or anything you've ever dreamed of
So when you feel like giving up, 'cause you don't fit in down here
Fear is crashing in, close your eyes and take my hand, yeah

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong where, faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

There's a place for us
There's a place for us

When the water meets the sky
Where your heart is free and hope comes back to life
When these broken hands are whole again
We'll find what we've been waiting for, we were made for so much more

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

There's a place for us
There's a place for us

So hold on, hold on
There's a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough

Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us
---

This is the song that came to my mind when I was planning to write about my life from my point of view today. Today, a lot of crap happened. One of them was my exam results. Some of them were expected, some of them took me by surprise. It wasn't a nice surprise. Four years into college and I had my lowest grade this semester, not to mention I nearly flunked in the lab. That was a real slap on the face.
I always knew my place in the world. I was always the kid with good grades whose existence would only be noticed when the exams and tests were knocking on the door. Now, I'm kinda feeling lost. I'm not that kid anymore. The meaning of my existence to other people is gone, so what the hell am I doing here? For the first time in my little life, I'm searching for something so abstract that I even doubt it exists. I'm searching for my place in the world. Who I am, where I stand and where I want to go. I want answers.
Life isn't alway kind to us. Today, in my eyes, life was painted red. Red of anger, resentment, revolt, fury, rage. I wanted to scream to hit someone or something, but that won't change anything. Things happened. I cried and moved on. Why torture myself with something that won't be changed? Tomorrow will surely be better than today, and if not, the day after that may be.
Until I get my answers, until I find my place, I shall keep myself together, stand tall and walk on strong.

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