4 March 2013

Five stages of grief

I've heard many times about the expression but never really bothered to think about it too much. Today, I decided to read a bit about it. It's a Kübler-Ross model about the five 'stages' or emotion one goes through when confronted with a death or other awful situations.
I decided to look it up because I was very clearly confronted with one of the five stages of grief: Anger. Both mine and my mother's. She suffers from cancer. It's not that rare nowadays. It's been quite a while since she was diagnosed with the condition. I never really realized how deadly cancer can be, but through the last few years, I witnessed how incapacitating and how discouraging it can be. Back then, I think all my family was in denial, the first stage. I wonder if we will eventually go through all five stages. From denial, to anger, three years passed. Now, I'm confronted with the very real possibility that my mother might not survive this. Honestly, it doesn't feel like anything I've experienced. It feels totally empty, void. I'm not too sure if my mother is still in Anger stage or she already gone into Depression. Bargain is a highly improbable stage. We never believed in a higher power, at least not me, and reality tells me that there is no one I can bargain for life. I'm concerned that my mother is showing signs of depression. Because I don't want her to stop fighting, not yet, even though it feels a lot like she's already given up. Acceptance is one stage I refuse anyone in our family to go into until it's absolutely too late.
Honestly I have to say it's quite an accurate model. Even though I'm probably grieving unconsciously, I'm glad I research a bit about it. When knowing, people tend to be more rational and calm down. Now that I know what the five stages of grief are, I can make peace with myself and find a better way to deal with it. We learn something every day, some times nice and interesting things, some times more gloomy. But, every day is a day and tomorrow is a new day. Lives are meant to be lived, it might as well end tomorrow, but today, we all lived.

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